Lies I've Told My Children
I need to confess. I lie to my son. It goes beyond my age (he can't count above 25) or my weight (again, can't count above).
1. If you have temper tantrums, you will go to jail.
Let me confess. I work in the criminal justice system, and I see the results of years of bad behavior everyday. So I actually kind of believe this. The funny part is when I told my son this, he just looked at me in abject horror and said, "I don't want go to jail!!!" Fast-forward. I had a package stolen from my porch, so I had to call the police. They came out and took a report. The first thing my son said to the officer when he came in is, "I don't want to go to jail."
2. Boogers are like poop from your nose.
My child has severe eczema. You know what kind of bacteria is in your nose? I didn't want my son exposing his already fragile skin to the bugs that are in the nose. You should have seen his face when he processed the words. He looked at his finger with absolute disgust, ran to the bathroom, and washed his hands.
3. The boogey man (or booger daddy, as my son calls him) looks like the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland.
Let me explain. We were reading a magazine together and the picture of Johnny Depp as the mad hatter pops up. You know, the white skin, green eyes and red hair. I had commented that I found the image disturbing, and my son agreed.
4. Green Lantern gets his superpowers from eating green vegetables. (What?!)
5. Darth Vader is a bully who uses violence and temper tantrums to control others.
6. Tony Stark sleeps.
7. Santa will come back and take your toys on December 26th. (Look the whole premise of a man shimmying down your chimney to deliver presents and eat cookies and milk and ludicrous! In my line of work, I hear that excuse all the time, and people who tell me that have been charged with burglary.)
8. Babies come when mommy and daddy ask God for a baby. (My 5 year old doesn't believe this either. "How does the baby get in there?")
9.There are no earthquakes in this part of the country. (5.8 earthquake with an epicenter in northern Va. August 2011)
10. I promise not to laugh...
1. If you have temper tantrums, you will go to jail.
Let me confess. I work in the criminal justice system, and I see the results of years of bad behavior everyday. So I actually kind of believe this. The funny part is when I told my son this, he just looked at me in abject horror and said, "I don't want go to jail!!!" Fast-forward. I had a package stolen from my porch, so I had to call the police. They came out and took a report. The first thing my son said to the officer when he came in is, "I don't want to go to jail."
2. Boogers are like poop from your nose.
My child has severe eczema. You know what kind of bacteria is in your nose? I didn't want my son exposing his already fragile skin to the bugs that are in the nose. You should have seen his face when he processed the words. He looked at his finger with absolute disgust, ran to the bathroom, and washed his hands.
3. The boogey man (or booger daddy, as my son calls him) looks like the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland.
Let me explain. We were reading a magazine together and the picture of Johnny Depp as the mad hatter pops up. You know, the white skin, green eyes and red hair. I had commented that I found the image disturbing, and my son agreed.
4. Green Lantern gets his superpowers from eating green vegetables. (What?!)
5. Darth Vader is a bully who uses violence and temper tantrums to control others.
6. Tony Stark sleeps.
7. Santa will come back and take your toys on December 26th. (Look the whole premise of a man shimmying down your chimney to deliver presents and eat cookies and milk and ludicrous! In my line of work, I hear that excuse all the time, and people who tell me that have been charged with burglary.)
8. Babies come when mommy and daddy ask God for a baby. (My 5 year old doesn't believe this either. "How does the baby get in there?")
9.There are no earthquakes in this part of the country. (5.8 earthquake with an epicenter in northern Va. August 2011)
10. I promise not to laugh...
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