Keeping it 100: Giving Up What I Don't Need
It's a new year. (We made it!! The Mayans were wrong.)
As I did last year, I beginning my year with 21 days of fasting and prayer. The Daniel Fast is challenging for me because it's not something that one can just jump into. You have to prepare your body for the radical change in diet,and you have to prepare your mind. I'm going to keep it 100. I've done this fast 2 years running, and every year, I tap out at day 10. Simply put, the digestive...uhhh...backlash(?) becomes too much to bear. (I keep it real up in here.)
In the days leading up to the new year, I had a major emotional set back. People that I thought I could rely upon let me down when I needed them the most. The place where I thought I would always be loved and accepted felt as cold as my freezer. The people that I thought would always include me didn't have room for me at their table. Then all of a sudden, the reality of my life set in, and I started looking upon everything in my life with disdain. I won't bore you with the details, but I definitely wondered why I was even born. Heartache is a game-changer. (Gotta love the end of the year, right?)
In this age of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and FaceInstaTwit (smile), it's so easy to look at someone else's life and become disenchanted with your own. At least that's the truth for me.
Last Sunday, I dragged my deflated (hanging on the edge of tears) self to church and just hoped that I would hear some inspiring words to move me out of my stupor. As the praise and worship team did their thing and I sat next to my partner, I kept thinking, "Why do I feel like the people who I value, don't value me the same way? Why does reaching out to others always result in me being hurt?"
In the hurting recesses of my heart, I heard God say, "I want you to hear My voice."
What you talkin' bout Willis? Then I got this crazy image in my head of quiet mountain and me climbing it completely alone. Oh-kay.
The pastor presented a message about seeking meaningful relationships. To give you the Cliff's Notes version, he taught (with scripture) that meaningful relationships offer 1) acceptance, 2) protection, 3) honesty, and 4)growth. Then I got it, and it became clear what I had to do.
There are relationships in my life that I need to reconsider. Not all of them are meaningful. Some of the relationships I have don't even offer acceptance. There are people who have been in my life for years, and sadly, I've had to acknowledge that my relationships with some of them are toxic. The toxicity is killing my spirit.
I walked out of church enlightened but resigned to the truth of what I have to do. Fast and pray. (You thought I was going to say "de-friend" people, didn't you?)
For close to a week, I've been preparing myself for 21 days of fasting and prayer. My heart is drawn to do this in a way I've never felt before. I literally don't feel like eating. I just want to hear God's voice. I want to hear his plan for me and my relationships. I want to give up approval-seeking and people-pleasing. I want to give up all the things I do for self-satisfaction. At the end of the day, all those things have not filled the emptiness. I want to find satisfaction in serving God and going where I'm needed. I want to invest in meaningful relationships with others, not the empty vacuous ones that leave me with more questions than answers.
The Daniel Fast is essentially a restricted diet that allows fruit, vegetables, and unprocessed whole grains. No dairy (love my cheese). No meat (bye, bacon). Unsweetened juice. Water. Herbal tea.
I've gradually adjusted my diet for the last week to slowly prepare my body for the fast to gradually ease my body into things. Crazy thing is, I don't worry about my body adjusting to this. It's my spirit that needs adjusting...renewal, refreshment, redirection.
I'm keeping 100 with you. I feel like documenting this will give me some perspective when I look back and wonder if there's been any growth. In 2013, I want to do more than just challenge my body (a couple 5Ks and two mud runs on the horizon). I want get my spirit in the place where needs to be, in a place where it can hear God's voice and obey.
As I did last year, I beginning my year with 21 days of fasting and prayer. The Daniel Fast is challenging for me because it's not something that one can just jump into. You have to prepare your body for the radical change in diet,and you have to prepare your mind. I'm going to keep it 100. I've done this fast 2 years running, and every year, I tap out at day 10. Simply put, the digestive...uhhh...backlash(?) becomes too much to bear. (I keep it real up in here.)
In the days leading up to the new year, I had a major emotional set back. People that I thought I could rely upon let me down when I needed them the most. The place where I thought I would always be loved and accepted felt as cold as my freezer. The people that I thought would always include me didn't have room for me at their table. Then all of a sudden, the reality of my life set in, and I started looking upon everything in my life with disdain. I won't bore you with the details, but I definitely wondered why I was even born. Heartache is a game-changer. (Gotta love the end of the year, right?)
In this age of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and FaceInstaTwit (smile), it's so easy to look at someone else's life and become disenchanted with your own. At least that's the truth for me.
Last Sunday, I dragged my deflated (hanging on the edge of tears) self to church and just hoped that I would hear some inspiring words to move me out of my stupor. As the praise and worship team did their thing and I sat next to my partner, I kept thinking, "Why do I feel like the people who I value, don't value me the same way? Why does reaching out to others always result in me being hurt?"
In the hurting recesses of my heart, I heard God say, "I want you to hear My voice."
What you talkin' bout Willis? Then I got this crazy image in my head of quiet mountain and me climbing it completely alone. Oh-kay.
The pastor presented a message about seeking meaningful relationships. To give you the Cliff's Notes version, he taught (with scripture) that meaningful relationships offer 1) acceptance, 2) protection, 3) honesty, and 4)growth. Then I got it, and it became clear what I had to do.
There are relationships in my life that I need to reconsider. Not all of them are meaningful. Some of the relationships I have don't even offer acceptance. There are people who have been in my life for years, and sadly, I've had to acknowledge that my relationships with some of them are toxic. The toxicity is killing my spirit.
I walked out of church enlightened but resigned to the truth of what I have to do. Fast and pray. (You thought I was going to say "de-friend" people, didn't you?)
For close to a week, I've been preparing myself for 21 days of fasting and prayer. My heart is drawn to do this in a way I've never felt before. I literally don't feel like eating. I just want to hear God's voice. I want to hear his plan for me and my relationships. I want to give up approval-seeking and people-pleasing. I want to give up all the things I do for self-satisfaction. At the end of the day, all those things have not filled the emptiness. I want to find satisfaction in serving God and going where I'm needed. I want to invest in meaningful relationships with others, not the empty vacuous ones that leave me with more questions than answers.
The Daniel Fast is essentially a restricted diet that allows fruit, vegetables, and unprocessed whole grains. No dairy (love my cheese). No meat (bye, bacon). Unsweetened juice. Water. Herbal tea.
I've gradually adjusted my diet for the last week to slowly prepare my body for the fast to gradually ease my body into things. Crazy thing is, I don't worry about my body adjusting to this. It's my spirit that needs adjusting...renewal, refreshment, redirection.
I'm keeping 100 with you. I feel like documenting this will give me some perspective when I look back and wonder if there's been any growth. In 2013, I want to do more than just challenge my body (a couple 5Ks and two mud runs on the horizon). I want get my spirit in the place where needs to be, in a place where it can hear God's voice and obey.
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