Expanding definitions of craziness....
Dear America,
I am again moved to protest. I don't know how it happened, but it must stop. New definitions for old words.
1. Incongruity: Wearing adorable strappy shoes with jacked up feet. When I say jacked up, I mean flour-kicking, Grand Canyon hard, ashy feet with long toenails. Those kinds of feet were made for Timberlands. Buy some.
2. Discombobulation: This is the Arnold Palmer of the hair world. Half-weave and half-forehead. Sometimes the lace is visible. Beauty is about illusion, so please stop coming out of your house with cock-eyed wigs and weaves.
3. Janky: That feeling you get when someone with hygiene issues wants to bring you some food they made at home. No thank you.
4. Wrong: Wearing a torn wife beater whilst donning fuzzy cornrows as one begs a judge not to revoke probation.
5. Righteousness: What happens to a teenager's face when he calls his mother a "b@#ch". Also includes the bullet holes in a teenage girl's laptop as she takes the public nature of Facebook too far and uses it to humiliate her parents.
6. Crazy: Any act or set of words that would lead a reasonable person to believe that you have no reason raising children. Usually involves taking a 3 month old to a midnight showing of Batman or some other violent super-hero film.
7. Apprehension: The feeling I get when I think about going into the bathroom used exclusively by my 6 year old son. He doesn't aim too well.
8. Sneak: The process a toddler uses to go number 2 in the pull-up even though you asked said toddler if he had to go potty.
9. Shade: A negative response to behavior that some would consider out of pocket. Coming to a family dinner drunk? Shade. Crashing a party that you know you were not invited to? Shade.
10. Side-eye: A variation on throwing shade. A physical manifestation of "No you didn't."
I am again moved to protest. I don't know how it happened, but it must stop. New definitions for old words.
1. Incongruity: Wearing adorable strappy shoes with jacked up feet. When I say jacked up, I mean flour-kicking, Grand Canyon hard, ashy feet with long toenails. Those kinds of feet were made for Timberlands. Buy some.
2. Discombobulation: This is the Arnold Palmer of the hair world. Half-weave and half-forehead. Sometimes the lace is visible. Beauty is about illusion, so please stop coming out of your house with cock-eyed wigs and weaves.
3. Janky: That feeling you get when someone with hygiene issues wants to bring you some food they made at home. No thank you.
4. Wrong: Wearing a torn wife beater whilst donning fuzzy cornrows as one begs a judge not to revoke probation.
5. Righteousness: What happens to a teenager's face when he calls his mother a "b@#ch". Also includes the bullet holes in a teenage girl's laptop as she takes the public nature of Facebook too far and uses it to humiliate her parents.
6. Crazy: Any act or set of words that would lead a reasonable person to believe that you have no reason raising children. Usually involves taking a 3 month old to a midnight showing of Batman or some other violent super-hero film.
7. Apprehension: The feeling I get when I think about going into the bathroom used exclusively by my 6 year old son. He doesn't aim too well.
8. Sneak: The process a toddler uses to go number 2 in the pull-up even though you asked said toddler if he had to go potty.
9. Shade: A negative response to behavior that some would consider out of pocket. Coming to a family dinner drunk? Shade. Crashing a party that you know you were not invited to? Shade.
10. Side-eye: A variation on throwing shade. A physical manifestation of "No you didn't."
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